Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
