she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
