I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
