That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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