i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
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She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
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so much tequila, so little girl.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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