just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
