I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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