I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
