Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
