His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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