I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
