Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
