sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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