why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
