sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
