We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
