i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
