...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
