as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
