I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
