I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
