Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
