yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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