I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
