I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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