you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
