somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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