my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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