Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
