so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
