i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
