I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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