And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
