I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
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Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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