I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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