oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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