I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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