I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
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