so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
