No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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