Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he fucked my hip out of place.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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