end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
