I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
