dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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