Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
