She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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