I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
