home. puking in laundry basket.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
God gave him joint rollers for hands
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
