I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
