i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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