you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
