A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
