i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
