yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
