well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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