I just pynch a tree in the face
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
