When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
