I feel like abortions should bother me more
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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