He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
