So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
