Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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