i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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