found the other keg... it's in the tree
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
