Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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