We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
