He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
