Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
