Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
