And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
