I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
