if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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