im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Help. Why am I so naked?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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