if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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