Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
