i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
