if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
