I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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