what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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